Ina in control

Hi folks! Ever since I tried to be nice enough to my mom by rearranging a few keys (she will tell more than half of the keyboard..but you know how she tends to exaggerate things don't ya?) of her laptop just so she doesn't get bored of seeing the same ones in same places everyday, I have been banned from coming anywhere near the comp for sometime now:( I tell ya, the world doesn't recognize good deeds done with good intentions these days*Sigh*. Anyway somehow today I managed to sedate her with some coke and pizza and got her knocked out snoring on the sofa seizing my chance finally to be here.

It's hard being a toddler really. First of all half the time people just think you are being cute when actually you are trying to communicate with them,those who do manage to listen fail to understand what we are saying and then there are evil people like my mom who listen and fully comprehend what I babble yet choose to ignore it and manipulate me into obeying only her rules. Is it any wonder why we have to resort to desperate measures like scream the place down to get our say? No more memos to my mom I have decided. This time around to change things I'm going to send her a howler. I hope you kind folks will put in a good word too and help me shake things up a little around here. I promise I'll be willing to share my gummy worms with you for this. Let's get to the howler:

Hey there mom!!

Since this is Howler there won't be any sweet little introductions,it's all business so just get reading.

1. I'm soon going to turn 2 next month and don't you think it's time to re-negotiate certain rules and regulations around here. I think we should allow some flexibility since now I do have a say in many matters which I feel you refuse to acknowledge. See, I do a lot more to keep you guys entertained. I flash those twinkly smiles, throw those delightful giggles you all gush over and over, the prancing around, somersaults,the tiny little hugs and kisses I throw generously your way, pretend to be a "mishher" (Mixer) emitting loud grinding noises holding cups and bottles all that cute crap -Look they don't come easy,it all takes a lot of work. For all that I think I'm entitled now for a raise. So keep that in mind when you guys go hunting down for presents this time. Spare me some of the cuddly singing toys please..it's humiliating to be treated this way. You have the whole Toys r us at your disposal,make some intelligent choices this time around.

2. Santa- I love Santa. I do,I do. But please don't force me to sit on laps of completely strange obese men in red suit with fake beards. Would you like it if you were asked to go and sit on the same creepy guy's lap? While I howled away dad even managed to capture that frightening moment on camera forcing me to take things into my own hands, ending up pulling the fake beard off the scary red suit guy. It confirmed my fears he was not the real Santa. But see I did take the candy bag from the guy so he wouldn't cry. I am nice that way.

3. "Chishmish"(Christmas) tree at home was a swell idea. It was so much fun taking down all the glittery things you guys managed to put it up I swear. We ought to do it more often. You tried to make me feel guilty by saying how the tree would feel bad without it but you see I think he is much better off this way. If I was a tree I would have hated having all shimmery shiny stuff that are not even color co ordinated (Blue,red and white all together mom??*shakes head in disbelief*) hung all over me. I think we got the point across the day you groggily woke up one morning and went flying on the floor by stepping on the shiny balls. So there...

4. I know you've been pretty frustrated by how I end up putting a lot of forbidden things on my mop of curls. I'm trying to be innovative mom and finding out the best possible conditioner to suit my hair,can't you see that? I admit "vashiine" (Vaseline) and "dieper" (diaper) creams were probably not a very good idea as they made it pretty messy. But cooking oil,moisturising lotions and "shootpaste"(toothpaste) seemed pretty harmless and fun! So lighten up and let me experiment. Who knows you might even end up thanking me when I manage to find the perfect hair conditioner for your hair dresser's nightmare frizzy hair.

5. I know you are very proud that I manage to identify most of the colors ,even manage to count a little,draw circles and lines,finger paint and color. But do you need to interrupt every single time I watch my friends "Elmoo" (Elmo) and "Dori" (Dora didn't sound Indian enough) by pointing at every *gasp* color and number that springs on the TV screen? I get it mom that you and dad cannot stop from making a spectacle of yourselves and gush over how I will give Einstein a run for his money but ease up on the flashcards and running commentary when I watch my shows. Let me enjoy those moments of peace with my mink (milk).

6. *Fake cough* Now to the more impottant matters. I love how you put such intense efforts to get me to use the potty these days. All I have to do is yell the magical words "pee pee" and you guys go into such a state of frenzy that it's hilarious. Falling all over yourselves and as if there's a ticking time bomb attached to my bottom you guys compete with each other peeling off my pants and diaper, running as fast as possible towards the finish line aka the bathroom all in a matter of seconds. And when I take my sweet time ah,the entertainment you guys provide!The songs,dance and the cajoling and sweet talking and cheering but of course the tribal victory dance that ensues when I manage to do the deed is the highlight of the whole show. At times when I feel bored I use this yell to see just your response. Escaping and running around the house sans diaper in the name of this pee pee business is so much fun too. But keep at it mom, I will promise to go a little easier on you soon enough. Just keep the act interesting so I won't get bored alright?

7. I would like you to join me when I say my salutations to that dog we meet on the elevator,the trees,the squirrels in the park,my doll kissy(christy),the moon and that horsey doll at the daycare. After all it just takes a few nice words like "Hiiii,haaw aar uu? bye bye,cheeio, laav(love) you"
Not that difficult at all. You got so thrilled and turned into a mushy puddle ,snorting loudly into that tissue as if your nose fell off that day when I came to you, hugged you telling "Mama ,laav you"? So I think it's fair enough to make them all feel good by saying it to them too. Can we do it from tomorrow? Think of it as a means to build meaningful relationship with our environment.

8. Can I get some more Rihanna songs please? The "ella..ella illaaaaa"(In varying pitches ) one is fun and when I cut you in the middle of "Baa baa" and "Twinkle " by requesting it for the nth time please oblige. Tell dad not to murder it by singing it to me,its insufferable. I much prefer to hear it from you. I also love that "Saabiyaaa..hahahaha"(Saawariya) too. Why can't they make nursery rhymes without much words like these with zany tunes I wonder. I'm planning to send a email to Rihanna to remix Mother Goose's nursery rhymes to suit our generation of toddlers right now. You can put in a word of recommendation too.

9. If I do spill something intentionally on the floor or knock something down and you are around I'll immediately shake my head it utter disapproval and pretend dismay covering my mouth with my hands for special affects saying "Uh,oh...cheee..Diirtee,who?who?" looking around to catch that dirty culprit right now. It's nothing personal mom, it's that little game we toddlers like to play. Anyway when it doesn't work we have that secret weapon..get our big saucer eyes filled with tears,pout and cry. It does work like a charm. Come on,I can't let my tribe down by being all goody goody,we always deny,deny and deny.

10.. And now for the most important thing. Don't be lazy and throw a shabby birthday party like the one you did last year (I know,you kept telling me it was because I was too small. But I think I know the real reason). I have many friends now from daycare and having gone to all their parties where you gobbled down all that cake including my share it's fair enough we invite them over to mine. And PLEASE don't BAKE any cake at home. Let's just order in one OK so we can enjoy them without burning down the house. Plan well both of you,it's my reputation on line here!

And umm..mom,there's a reason why your dal ended up tasting like vegetable payasam last night. I actually poured the sugar into your dal container during one of my sneaky trips to the kitchen cabinet. But I know you will over see this one for one more hug with "laav you" won't you?

I will wait for you and dad to discuss these terms and draw a fresh contract soon. Did I tell you again I laav you?* melting shy smile*

Now I am off to sleep. Every girl needs her beauty rest after all.