Mr.Froggy's day out

It was a nice,bright sunny evening when myself and Mr. Froggy went to the park. Mr. Froggy was a new resident of my toyland and was still feeling quite shop sick and was taking time to adjust to the new environment. Hence I thought a park would do him good.

Having lived all his life by the shop window sill ,at first Mr. Froggy was quite scared of the swing and slide and preferred to lie low and watch and learn from the master

What's more grandma was annoyingly paranoid that I was an accident waiting to happen all the time. Half the time was spent in trying to get her off our backs and let us run our moneky business.

But I took Mr. Froggy under my wing and showed him how to have fun on the slide . I showed him some neat tricks how to give grandma a weak heart by sliding down on the tummy and at times with my legs up in the air.

And to ignore Grams and do everything that she insists you shouldn't do

Like performing dangerously nifty climbs on the poles

Like climbing over to a much neater bigger kid slide instead of the boring ones meant for us

Like performing somersaults on the sand and insist on pulling a doggie's tail and see whether we can piss him off

I also showed Mr. Froggy how to pump some iron and build strong muscles by swinging like a monkey. Afterall he needed all the muscle power to wrestle with the older bullies and survive in my toyland.

Mr.Froggy finally overcame his fears and build enough courage to take to the slide. What's more he did it without holding to the railings. I was sooo impressed with his antics!He proved he was a worthy addition to my elite toyland. Bravo Buddy!

Later we both screaming "Whee..whee" loudly tumbled around the sand like couple of drunken sailors.

It was such a fun day folks!Someday you ought to join us and see how good a entertainer teacher I can be. If you would like come the next time just let me know.. Pst...pst..we can drug leave paranoid grandma and huffing puffing mommy at home and have a great time! Are you up to it???

Ina in control

Hi folks! Ever since I tried to be nice enough to my mom by rearranging a few keys (she will tell more than half of the keyboard..but you know how she tends to exaggerate things don't ya?) of her laptop just so she doesn't get bored of seeing the same ones in same places everyday, I have been banned from coming anywhere near the comp for sometime now:( I tell ya, the world doesn't recognize good deeds done with good intentions these days*Sigh*. Anyway somehow today I managed to sedate her with some coke and pizza and got her knocked out snoring on the sofa seizing my chance finally to be here.

It's hard being a toddler really. First of all half the time people just think you are being cute when actually you are trying to communicate with them,those who do manage to listen fail to understand what we are saying and then there are evil people like my mom who listen and fully comprehend what I babble yet choose to ignore it and manipulate me into obeying only her rules. Is it any wonder why we have to resort to desperate measures like scream the place down to get our say? No more memos to my mom I have decided. This time around to change things I'm going to send her a howler. I hope you kind folks will put in a good word too and help me shake things up a little around here. I promise I'll be willing to share my gummy worms with you for this. Let's get to the howler:

Hey there mom!!

Since this is Howler there won't be any sweet little introductions,it's all business so just get reading.

1. I'm soon going to turn 2 next month and don't you think it's time to re-negotiate certain rules and regulations around here. I think we should allow some flexibility since now I do have a say in many matters which I feel you refuse to acknowledge. See, I do a lot more to keep you guys entertained. I flash those twinkly smiles, throw those delightful giggles you all gush over and over, the prancing around, somersaults,the tiny little hugs and kisses I throw generously your way, pretend to be a "mishher" (Mixer) emitting loud grinding noises holding cups and bottles all that cute crap -Look they don't come easy,it all takes a lot of work. For all that I think I'm entitled now for a raise. So keep that in mind when you guys go hunting down for presents this time. Spare me some of the cuddly singing toys please..it's humiliating to be treated this way. You have the whole Toys r us at your disposal,make some intelligent choices this time around.

2. Santa- I love Santa. I do,I do. But please don't force me to sit on laps of completely strange obese men in red suit with fake beards. Would you like it if you were asked to go and sit on the same creepy guy's lap? While I howled away dad even managed to capture that frightening moment on camera forcing me to take things into my own hands, ending up pulling the fake beard off the scary red suit guy. It confirmed my fears he was not the real Santa. But see I did take the candy bag from the guy so he wouldn't cry. I am nice that way.

3. "Chishmish"(Christmas) tree at home was a swell idea. It was so much fun taking down all the glittery things you guys managed to put it up I swear. We ought to do it more often. You tried to make me feel guilty by saying how the tree would feel bad without it but you see I think he is much better off this way. If I was a tree I would have hated having all shimmery shiny stuff that are not even color co ordinated (Blue,red and white all together mom??*shakes head in disbelief*) hung all over me. I think we got the point across the day you groggily woke up one morning and went flying on the floor by stepping on the shiny balls. So there...

4. I know you've been pretty frustrated by how I end up putting a lot of forbidden things on my mop of curls. I'm trying to be innovative mom and finding out the best possible conditioner to suit my hair,can't you see that? I admit "vashiine" (Vaseline) and "dieper" (diaper) creams were probably not a very good idea as they made it pretty messy. But cooking oil,moisturising lotions and "shootpaste"(toothpaste) seemed pretty harmless and fun! So lighten up and let me experiment. Who knows you might even end up thanking me when I manage to find the perfect hair conditioner for your hair dresser's nightmare frizzy hair.

5. I know you are very proud that I manage to identify most of the colors ,even manage to count a little,draw circles and lines,finger paint and color. But do you need to interrupt every single time I watch my friends "Elmoo" (Elmo) and "Dori" (Dora didn't sound Indian enough) by pointing at every *gasp* color and number that springs on the TV screen? I get it mom that you and dad cannot stop from making a spectacle of yourselves and gush over how I will give Einstein a run for his money but ease up on the flashcards and running commentary when I watch my shows. Let me enjoy those moments of peace with my mink (milk).

6. *Fake cough* Now to the more impottant matters. I love how you put such intense efforts to get me to use the potty these days. All I have to do is yell the magical words "pee pee" and you guys go into such a state of frenzy that it's hilarious. Falling all over yourselves and as if there's a ticking time bomb attached to my bottom you guys compete with each other peeling off my pants and diaper, running as fast as possible towards the finish line aka the bathroom all in a matter of seconds. And when I take my sweet time ah,the entertainment you guys provide!The songs,dance and the cajoling and sweet talking and cheering but of course the tribal victory dance that ensues when I manage to do the deed is the highlight of the whole show. At times when I feel bored I use this yell to see just your response. Escaping and running around the house sans diaper in the name of this pee pee business is so much fun too. But keep at it mom, I will promise to go a little easier on you soon enough. Just keep the act interesting so I won't get bored alright?

7. I would like you to join me when I say my salutations to that dog we meet on the elevator,the trees,the squirrels in the park,my doll kissy(christy),the moon and that horsey doll at the daycare. After all it just takes a few nice words like "Hiiii,haaw aar uu? bye bye,cheeio, laav(love) you"
Not that difficult at all. You got so thrilled and turned into a mushy puddle ,snorting loudly into that tissue as if your nose fell off that day when I came to you, hugged you telling "Mama ,laav you"? So I think it's fair enough to make them all feel good by saying it to them too. Can we do it from tomorrow? Think of it as a means to build meaningful relationship with our environment.

8. Can I get some more Rihanna songs please? The "ella..ella illaaaaa"(In varying pitches ) one is fun and when I cut you in the middle of "Baa baa" and "Twinkle " by requesting it for the nth time please oblige. Tell dad not to murder it by singing it to me,its insufferable. I much prefer to hear it from you. I also love that "Saabiyaaa..hahahaha"(Saawariya) too. Why can't they make nursery rhymes without much words like these with zany tunes I wonder. I'm planning to send a email to Rihanna to remix Mother Goose's nursery rhymes to suit our generation of toddlers right now. You can put in a word of recommendation too.

9. If I do spill something intentionally on the floor or knock something down and you are around I'll immediately shake my head it utter disapproval and pretend dismay covering my mouth with my hands for special affects saying "Uh,oh...cheee..Diirtee,who?who?" looking around to catch that dirty culprit right now. It's nothing personal mom, it's that little game we toddlers like to play. Anyway when it doesn't work we have that secret weapon..get our big saucer eyes filled with tears,pout and cry. It does work like a charm. Come on,I can't let my tribe down by being all goody goody,we always deny,deny and deny.

10.. And now for the most important thing. Don't be lazy and throw a shabby birthday party like the one you did last year (I know,you kept telling me it was because I was too small. But I think I know the real reason). I have many friends now from daycare and having gone to all their parties where you gobbled down all that cake including my share it's fair enough we invite them over to mine. And PLEASE don't BAKE any cake at home. Let's just order in one OK so we can enjoy them without burning down the house. Plan well both of you,it's my reputation on line here!

And umm..mom,there's a reason why your dal ended up tasting like vegetable payasam last night. I actually poured the sugar into your dal container during one of my sneaky trips to the kitchen cabinet. But I know you will over see this one for one more hug with "laav you" won't you?

I will wait for you and dad to discuss these terms and draw a fresh contract soon. Did I tell you again I laav you?* melting shy smile*

Now I am off to sleep. Every girl needs her beauty rest after all.

Toddler Files-Operation Foiled baking

One day on a crisp spring morning a mom woke up to the heavenly aroma of some freshly baked cookies wafting through the door of her apartment. As if in a trance she got up following the smell and she immediately knew that Mrs.Scott next door was up and early doing what she does the best,baking her cookies and fresh bread for the weekend anticipating the arrival of her grandkids. Ah,she thought,how nice it would be if there would be some nice home made fresh baked bread and cookies on the table for breakfast. But following the thought she also sighed as till date she was a self proclaimed baking disaster queen. Somehow even the ready made rolls of dough got from the store which even a child could turn into absolutely delightful bunch of cookies ended up looking like shrivelled pieces of doughy flattened things which did taste like cookies but somehow lack the visual appeal. But the heavenly smell form the neighbor's home was acting like a stimulant and she decided to give her baking skills a try one more time. She armed herself with some enthusiasm and positive attitude which sometimes falsely gives some glint of hope to any person who is on the verge of washing their hands off something which their saner self had warned never to undertake.

Off she went the next day morning to the store,with a whining toddler in tow and marched through the aisles of the baking department of the store with a new found confidence. There she stood and stared at the things at her disposal. There just were too many choices,its criminal to give so many choices to a total amateur at baking. There were a mind boggling array of mixtures,powders,pans,sheets,nuts,coloring agents,spices,condiments,frostings,choices of flour etc etc. Clearly this was not her area of expertise,so she wondered where exactly to begin. She looked cautiously at the ready to make mixes available and was tempted to just take them home with her and experiement with them. But the new found confidence rejected such sane decisions and urged her to do things from the scratch,the positives quotes churned out thoughts that said "you can do it girl" it's just baking afterall not some rocket science. So she went ahead and got out her list for her cookies and gathered out the flour,chocolate chips and the essentials that the recipe dictated and proudly smiling to herself for not yeilding to the ready made mixes got them home and came. It was time to begin............

1.After feeding the hungry little busybody she set out to tackle the indomitable baking. She took out the hand mixer and spooned in said amounts of butter and sugar and started to beat the mixture. Just then the little busybody wandering around came to the kitchen and took one look at the running mixer in her hand and squealed in delight. She clapped her hands and settled down eyeing every detail. The mom let her little audience enjoy the show and kept the mixer down and went to get the eggs with a spring in her step. This is going so good,she thought.

2.She got the eggs out and about to clean them out and beat them into the mixture when she heard some slurping noise. There stood little curious george slurping the mixture which she had managed to reach it by standing on her toes! Mom marched the toddler out of the kitchen and that's when she heard a soft crash,her well intentioned eggs were now on the floor staring at her through a amusing yellowish mess. In her hurry to save her mixture mom had incidently left those eggs on the precipitous side of the sink which happened to gravitate towards to floor. "Oh,S#$%" she exclaimed under her breath and immediately realized she had the toddler still in her arms,she hoped the toddler would not pick the swear up. After cleaning it up she still was going on strong. Little drawbacks like these should never deter one when one is set on a mission afterall. So she got some more eggs out into the mixture and started to beat them up with her mixer.

3.Next it was time to add in the flour. So she opened the pantry to get the flour and added the said amount into the mixture.She turned around to get those chocolate chips into the mixture only to see little junior already spreading it around the floor and shoving handful of it into her mouth. No,No mom said,snatching away the chocolate chip bag from her and planting it on the table.

4. Phew,she thought as she added the chocolate chips and stirred the mixture. She then enthusiastically greased her cookie sheet,placed the cookie dough and lowered it into the preheated oven when she heard a squeal. Which toddler can resist the invitation of an open pantry afterall?there she sat in amidst of a sea of flour all spread around on the floor,over her hands and face and squealed. Mom almost fainted seeing the mess but then again who can resist the small toothy grin of delight and the mischievous glint in her big brown eyes. Mom went to hunt for her camera and started taking pics of this delightful performance (Yep,moms can be crazy this way,we do things which are not considered sane by some normal people) Meanwhile they both forgot about the cookie in the oven until ofcourse the mom noticed some nasty burnt smell. That was when the realization dawned !

Needless to say how Mrs.Scott's inspiration had disastrous results. Betrayed by her own olfactory senses mom now wishes she can seal off her windows and doors so no more heavenly smells escape into her home and mess with her brain this way. But then there are those captured moments of the fun she had with her toddler which perhaps made it all worth it!as for the cookies next time store bought Peek Freans serve just fine!

The Mischievous moments

On the lines of Orchid's "Mischief" tag.... presenting my very own little busybody at work!

Rules of a toddler

If it is on, I must turn it off.

If it is off, I must turn it on.

If it is folded, I must unfold it.

If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.

If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.

If it is high, it must be reached.If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.

If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.

If it has leaves, they must be picked.

If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.

If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.

If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.

If it is closed, it must be opened.

If it does not open, it must be screamed at.

If it has drawers, they must be rifled.

If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.

If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.

If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.

If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.

If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.

If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.

If it is paper, it must be torn.

If it has buttons, they must be pressed.

If the volume is low, it must go high.

If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.

If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.

If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.

If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.

If it is a phone, I must talk to it.

If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.

If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.

If it is not food, it must be tasted.

If it IS food, it must not be tasted.

If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.

If it is a carseat, it must be protested with arched back.

If it is Mommy, it must be hugged.I am a toddler!