Flawed logic and cockroach

Conversation between a couple who are presently doing the long distance thingy.

PC Man- "So me and D went out for dinner today"

Fuzzy- *Enjoying the third helping yummy pudding her mom made* "Oh!good for you. Where did you go?"

PC Man- "We thought we will go back to that Hakka place near the mall ,you remember?"

Fuzzy- *Appalled* "That place? I thought we had decided we would never go back there after they served us that bowl of soup from hell"!

PC Man- *with a pause* Well,it had good beer

Fuzzy- *Thinks "Men!what a bunch of irrational species"* Of course,it has to be all about the beer!So then what happened?"

PC Man- "We ordered some Hakka noodles,chicken friend rice and some lip smacking chicken lollipop...but then we found a dead cockroach amidst it"

Fuzzy- *stops stuffing her face with that pudding and almost gags* "Ewww...I told you that place is evil. Eww...tell me you guys gave them a earful for such disgusting service"

PC Man- *hesitates a bit* Well, we did but we thought we could go ahead and finish the pieces before that you see"

Fuzzy- *Hears the faint dying cry of her appetite* "Eww..good god!what possessed you guys to go ahead and still finish it in spite of a dead cockroach in your food? "

PC Man-"Just hear me out. Look,we gave it some thought. We had two choices

1. Stop eating and complain about it. They would just apologize and replace it with another plate

2. Finish the plate and then complain about it. Then they would feel more sorry and maybe waive the whole dinner off

..So we put our heads together and by logical thinking we decided we will go ahead and finish the plate and then complain"

Fuzzy- *Absolutely speechless at the logic* So did it work?

PC Man- *clears the throat* Hmm..not exactly.

Fuzzy- Why,what happened?

PC Man- "Well,we finished the delicious chicken" *Fuzzy cringes on the other end* and called the waiter and showed him the lifeless body to him and dramatically complained. But then the owner came by apologized and we just got another complimentary plate of chicken free.

Fuzzy- So essentially your plan didn't work?

PC Man- "How can you say that?we still got another plate of yummy chicken lollipop free!" *shaking head at the utter dumbness of his wife*

Fuzzy- *Shaking her head also at the other end in utter disbelief* "But you essentially ate 2 plates of cockroach infested chicken without getting any money back?"

PC Man- "We got one plate free..and anyway it was after all a small cockroach. Gary (for people who don't know this famous creature- He is PC Man's hero who lets himself loose in some wild forsaken places and shows people how to survive by eating absolutely disgusting pieces of any fellow live creatures that he can find) eats even things worse than this and you know I'm just preparing myself to survive anywhere.

Fuzzy- "Tell me ,please tell me you didn't eat any part of the cockroach?"

PC Man- "Well,I don't know,it sure did look like it was missing some whiskers and a eye"

Fuzz- Ewwwwww........Ewww.....

PC Man- *thoroughly enjoying the whole conversation* D perhaps got the crunchy part

Fuzzy- You guys are monsters. Maybe the poor cockroach was just making it's way home from work tired and weary to a family waiting for its return saying "Honey..I'm hoommm..."snap!Now the poor wife must be fighting back tears this minute and singing "I will survive..." they don't even have Gucci bags and Fendi shoes in cockroach land to comfort her. *Loud sniff*

PC Man- No no,no...

Fuzz- Maybe it was a young cockroach going to meet its fiancee with good news " Sweetheart, my parents agreeee....squish and smack!One moment of effusive happiness and the next moment the parents attending the shoksabha and printing obituary columns.. really sad *sniff sniff*

PC Man- Stop it now

Fuzz- Maybe it was a mommy cockroach going to pick up its younger one from daycare. Think of it there's a tiny little baby cockroach alone waiting for mommy to come *makes crying noises* "Mommy..where are you"

PC Man- I think I get the point Fuzz...

Fuzz- Maybe it was a baby cockroach who had just lost his way from school....it was walking trying to figure a way out and just when a good Samaritan was about to cross the road and help the little guy.....

PC Man- *Interrupting urgently* OK,that's it now,I'm already feeling guilty, Happy?

Fuzz- *Grinning on the other end and congratulates herself for mission accomplished but continuing to sound morose* I hope at least you and D pray for that poor little soul..may it R.I.P. May it have a better life in heaven.

PC Man- You want us to erect a memorial too I presume?

Fuzz- "Nah, prayers should do just fine"

PC Man- I knew somehow telling you this would be a bad idea from the start...

Rantings of a sleep deprived kind

Some random rants:

Dear hospital starbucks lady,

Thank you for sneakily making that last thumbprint scone disappear from the tray before the guy in front of me got his dirty hands on it making a post-call me wrestle him on the floor ,scratch him and snatch it from him , and kindly offering it to me. You are a gem!

Dear bad haired cafeteria guy,

"Oriental mixed vegetables" huh? Have you even been to the Orient? I doubt a overcooked hapless looking tasteless and shapeless gooey mass of broccoli,beans and carrots in some watered down god forsaken yucky sauce ,with a occasional snow peas thrown in to highlight the Orientalness qualify for it. And you kept serving more and more vulnerable hungry victims luring them telling it was an "exotic" dish??Exotic I don't know it sure deserves to be antiqued as single most vile tasting substance EVER and labelled as toxic and unfit for human consumption. 5 $ for this abominable thing as well!You rip off! I have developed a mortal fear for anything oriental now and scarred for life! Thank you very much.

Dear Patient #243
I love opera too dude. I was all aware of your obsessive fondness for it too. You made it all too clear when at 3 am you chose to talk about the laryngeal muscle anatomy of Pavarotti for 1.5 hours instead of telling me about that "severe,unbearable" headache and hearing loss in one ear that brought you to ER urgently. But was it really essential to reinforce it all by blasting my eardrums to high heavens , choosing to break into a high shrieking cacophony just when I had all my ears glued to your lipid laden heart through my stethoscope? Hearing loss you said? Now that makes two of us. Just to clarify matters for future encounters when I say "don't speak"it also means "don't sing,or shriek or howl" ok.

Dear Ms G,

I have a incurable case of "ora pediaitis" aka "My big foot in my mouth" disease. I am genuinely sorry for mistaking you for your 89 year old mother's sister the other day. And what's more for not noticing how that made you go pale and continuing to talk to you addressing you about your "sister". Your mom was however extra nice to me after that and had a big smile throughout the day. She even offered me a half of her property and her pearls dinner invitation someday which I of course declined if that's of any solace.

Dear Neighbor,

I don't know what is it that you do. But from all the looks of it I assume that you do some sort of carpentry work. With your suspenders and a hose pipe you seem like a pretty nice fella. But,but what is up with nocturnal carpentry dude?Let me make it clear, just because Ina loves her tele and rather loudly sings "Bob the builler, can you fixsh it?" doesn't mean we love those nocturnal carpentry adventures you have going on every day. It really doesn't affect me because I'm capable of sleeping even if the house is on fire which once I really did but I have people in my house who are such light sleepers and are detrimental to my sleep . I would rather appreciate if you worked like normal people doing all the hammering,bolting,squeaky creaking noise that you do because I'm a raving, scary dangerous muderous lunatic less than pleasant without my sleep. Hopefully my mom's icy cold stares and her gibberish Kannada abuses have had its effect on you and conveyed the message. Trust me you don't want to make her angry!We don't want bloodshed,so cut the nocturnal carpentry musicals willya!

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P:S: disclaimer: Anything written as sleep deprived rants are just that. Please take everything with a pinch of salt (unless you have high BP *hits on the hand* no salt for you).

Mr.Froggy's day out

It was a nice,bright sunny evening when myself and Mr. Froggy went to the park. Mr. Froggy was a new resident of my toyland and was still feeling quite shop sick and was taking time to adjust to the new environment. Hence I thought a park would do him good.

Having lived all his life by the shop window sill ,at first Mr. Froggy was quite scared of the swing and slide and preferred to lie low and watch and learn from the master

What's more grandma was annoyingly paranoid that I was an accident waiting to happen all the time. Half the time was spent in trying to get her off our backs and let us run our moneky business.

But I took Mr. Froggy under my wing and showed him how to have fun on the slide . I showed him some neat tricks how to give grandma a weak heart by sliding down on the tummy and at times with my legs up in the air.

And to ignore Grams and do everything that she insists you shouldn't do

Like performing dangerously nifty climbs on the poles

Like climbing over to a much neater bigger kid slide instead of the boring ones meant for us

Like performing somersaults on the sand and insist on pulling a doggie's tail and see whether we can piss him off

I also showed Mr. Froggy how to pump some iron and build strong muscles by swinging like a monkey. Afterall he needed all the muscle power to wrestle with the older bullies and survive in my toyland.

Mr.Froggy finally overcame his fears and build enough courage to take to the slide. What's more he did it without holding to the railings. I was sooo impressed with his antics!He proved he was a worthy addition to my elite toyland. Bravo Buddy!

Later we both screaming "Whee..whee" loudly tumbled around the sand like couple of drunken sailors.

It was such a fun day folks!Someday you ought to join us and see how good a entertainer teacher I can be. If you would like come the next time just let me know.. Pst...pst..we can drug leave paranoid grandma and huffing puffing mommy at home and have a great time! Are you up to it???

On call ramblings

Hospital corridors look pretty menacing in the nights. They are lonely,dark and eerie and at times make such perfect backdrops for any horror movies.

Infact sometimes when it gets a bit depressing I even fancy myself as a ghost floating around the corridors singing "Aayega..aayega...aayega aane wala call...aayega aayega" What's more with my scrubs and white coat,my chewebacca hair and tired long face I think I make a pretty convicing one too . (Special note to RGV : Are you listening dude? I am ready to sign the contract as long as you can promise my hair will be all shiny,silky and straight like all your ghostly leading ladies. And if you can get Hritik as well to play the co-ghost that would be just awesome. Pst..pst..if you need a swim suit shot being a horror movie I think I can pull it off as well,trust me I look scary as hell in them too sans makeup. So think how much scarier I can look with some make up. (Lavs,maybe I will be the one making it to that list of yours:)) I can also easily pull off the zombie look too dude,I don't even have to try hard for that especially if you keep that shoot after when I'm post call. If you are game just page me through the switchboard of the hospital ASAP and rescue me. And just to warn you,they make baingan bharta with my last name beating it to death so just ask for the fuzzy haired lazy fuzzy doctor and they will know.Bhool na nahi ha?)

Just the reverie of myself in a movie with Hritik gave me a poetic inspiration that call night. I imagined him chasing me around the IV infusion stand with his nerdy glasses and sthethoscope strumming a guitar and we were singing... (bear with me for all the stupid lyrics,remember I was on a sleep deprived on call night and yes feel free to join in with the chorus,to the tune of "Pichle saat dino mein" from Rock on)

Meri laundry ka yek bill...Kis bimari ka kaunsa pill ..ta na na na.. na na na na
Teri pager ka number...meri resident project ka paper....ta na na na ..na na na na
Meri drunken patient ka swing, teri haath ka ye engagement ring
Pichle saat dino mein teen (on call) raat nahi soya, Kabhi khud pe hansa mein kabhi patient ke saath roya

*Heavy guitar strumming*

Khane ko bhi kuch na mili,cafeteria bhi thi nahi khuli.. Ta na na na.. na na na na
Agar khula hota us ghadi, waise bhi uska food hai sadi... Ta na na na ..na na na na
ER mein aa rahe the itne cases, Hum bhi bhaag rahe the saare places,
Pichle saat dino mein teen (on call) raat nahi soya, Kabhi khud pe hansa kabhi patient ke saath roya

Ta na na na ..... chorus

On call ka agla din dopahar aaya, grand rounds mein chup chup ke soya.. ta na na na....

Phir bhi bajti rahi pager, kuch major problems the kuch minor ...ta na na na

Mere senior ne kaha aake tab, ghar bhaago tum log ab,

Pichle saat dino mein teen (on call)raath nahi soye,ab ghar jaake blog wog karna hai karo ya phir so jao

Ta na na na...Na na na na...

Just when I was so revved up with my poetic inspiration the dreaded sound came first in low pitch and then in an increasingly annoying pitch "BEEP!BEEP" and it was time for some productive work again. It was 2 am and a patient ironically was experiencing insomnia. *Sigh*

The journey so far

The things I have done the past few months while I was pulling off that disappearing act.

1. Burnt some midnight oil,sprained a muscle or two,kicked myself for having not been smart enough to have chosen another easier profession and somehow got through a long series of exams.

2. Went through a nerve racking residency match and flew across every corner of the country attending interviews. Drained every penny from PC Man's generous pocket while he sweetly drove me to airport religiously every week and took care of little Ina.

3. Spent the post interview months making PC Man pull his hair out in sheer frustration trying to stop me from chewing my nails off in frenzied anticipation of the results.

4. Finally landed a residency in a field I love but which required a big move from a beloved city to a smaller,colder town in the west. Sold the condo, rented a house in the new town and got poor grandma to fly overseas to help us with Ina.

5. Began a journey of planning a life around a call schedule,being constantly sleep deprived,demanding,thrilling and utterly tiring life as a first year medical resident while trying to balance an equally choatic life with a preschooler.

I love what I do but at times it can get pretty stressful and starts to get to me. It's been just a few months into the training and the constant tiredness at times consumes me. Every 4th day being on call working straight 36-40 hours exhausts me. I miss being there 24/7 for Ina above all. But at the end of each day when she shreiks in delight at the sight of me and comes rushing in with a big little hug and outpouring of such abundant love everything else just melts away making all of it worthwhile. We try to take one day at a time and ofcourse having a great hubby and a patient mom certainly helps!

The Infamous Ina-isms

Some recent Ina isms:

1. Grandma in throes of affection : "Ina,sweetheart would you come and help me with the dishes?"
Ina: *busy trying to create a Picasso masterpiece using 3/4 of water and 1/4 of paint* No ajji, Me very busy.

Grandma persists and tries to lure her into the exciting world of washing dishes just like she tried to lure her daughter years before finally giving up on her: "Look Ina,won't you want to play with water and wash these spoons. Look at these lovely bubbles too.It will be fun"

Ina:*looks up sympathetically at her grandma and shakes her head in disbelief* Nah!

Grandma now slightly hurt by the brutal snubbing retorts to emotional blackmail: "In that case I will go back to India. Then your mama only has to wash the dishes and then no one will be there to play with you"

Ina: *raises her little eyebrow and thinks for a minute* No,mama no dishes (Trust the daughter to know her mom so well,she makes her momma proud doesn't she?)

Grandma: Oh,then will daddy do the dishes? *PC Man is heard clearing his throat rather loudly in the background*

Ina: *this time replies without thinking* No,daddy not do dishes"

Grandma: Oh,Well somebody has to do it...then will you be washing the dishes?

Ina: *looks up incredulously at her grandma as if saying Jeez grandma and states matter of factually shaking her little finger to make her point* "No Ajji,we put in dishwasher"

Grandma was left speechless and went back muttering how the dependence on machines is ruining young minds.

2. It's bedtime at the fuzzy household and lights are off with Ina in her bed. Mom is tucking her in and as always start singing her favorite lullaby. Just as she gets to the end of the song Ina stops her.
Ina: Mama,stop

Mom: What happened sweetheart?you want some other song today?

Ina: No

Mom: you want no lullaby today?

Ina: Yes want lullaby

Mom: Then what is it?

Ina: Want lullaby in cd!No mommy lullaby

Poor heartbroken mum curses evil dad who bought that silly blasphemous cd which now has bewitched her little baby. Sulking big time mom goes to fetch that cd and plays it and tries to lie down and sing with it to her baby to show that dumb cd can never replace mommy.

Ina interrupts and admonishes heartbroken mom: Mama,no,no singing.

Stupid technology mom muttered furiously under her breath and spent the next few days casting cold et tu brutus looks towards PC Man who never realized why his pancakes looked a little burnt for few days.

3. Early morning at fuzzy household which is chaotic to say the least. As usual the scene is mom shouting war cries that she is running late and the world will burn down this very minute if she doesn't find her cell phone/pager. The mini me Ina starts running around frantically as well shouting out to poor grandma "Ajji,whale is my pager?uff!whale is my shoes ajji? getting ate".

Trust little one to provide the healthy dose of common sense at times to the household not to mention shaming her mom into realizing how neurotic she seems in the mornings.

4. Mom trying to teach the gender for Ina: Ina,what is mama?

Ina: *trying desperately to rebuild a leaning tower of Pisa with her blocks* Mama is a girl..

Mom: *looking mighty pleased* good,now what is Dada?

Ina: *casting I-can't-believe-you-put-me-through-such-humiliating-rituals-and-insult-my-intelligence look* Dada is a boy
Mom: *beaming* what is grandma?

Ina: *takes one look at her grandma* Ajji is old

Mom: Oh!ok *Mulls over it for few seconds and thinks she needs to coax her mom to dye her hair and then decides to continue* So what is Ina?

Ina: *pauses for a minute* Hmm...

Mom: *now starts hinting* Ina is a guuurr....?

Ina: No mama,Ina is no Lion...

Mom: *Decides to try another approach* is Ina a boy then?

Ina: *stares incredulously and says* No mama

Mom: *Now wondering whether allowing PC Man to teach this stuff to Ina was a mistake,the poor child is thoroughly confused* then what are u Ina?

Ina: Duh!I'm a princess mama. Dada told me so!!

5. In a busy supermarket one workday evening a tired fuzzy is trying frantically to get stuff inside her shopping cart and race towards the counter while handling little Ina on the other hand.

As she stands in the line behind a elderly couple one of whom perhaps caused a not-so-pleasant smell to waft in the air. Just what the tired duo needed that day!

Crinkling her little nose Ina announced "Shee..somebody done poo poo"

The elderly lady looked so scandalized and mom tried to tell Ina "No baby,no one did poo poo"

Ina doggedly persisted: No,somebody done poo poo mama, Schmell here"

All around me people had started to exchange grins and again mom told her "No Ina,no poo poo"

Ina then retorted loudly with a all knowing compassionate "Been there,done that" look towards the old lady " Oh,so no poo poo" and pointing to the lady said "You done gassy huh?" then proceeded to clap her hands and giggle. Amidst of solid chuckles and laughter I apologized to the lady who mercifully thought the whole thing was funny (My guess is the old lady didn't have any other choice than to do that) doled out the money and ran as fast as I could to safe heavens of home.

Ah,the joys of raising a cheeky preschooler!

Cuz I missed you so

"I'm feeling like I'm missing something in my life" I melancholily announced yesterday while PC Man was busy stuffing the popcorn into his mouth while catching up and savouring the dialogues of his hero Mammoty.

"Yes I know,I think what we need is a big ass plasma tv in the living room" he retorted thinking as superficially as only a man can, totally ignoring the philosophical depth of my question without moving his eyes from the tube.

" No,it's something more bigger "I continued enlightening myself all alone on my inner self discovering journey.

"Bigger?huh?You mean like a bigger car?I totally agree" *Pointing towards the hummer ad playing on the TV at that very moment "See that's what we I need" *Looking like a kid at a toy store and went back to munching his popcorn noisily.

Ignoring PC Man's materialistic rants I continued "I'm thinking of simpler things like...I'm thinking I'll restart my blog" I raised my eyebrows and dramatically let the big news in with a virtual drum roll.
In a split of a second as the word "BLOGGGGG" was out of my mouth there was thunder and lightening and lo and behold the unbreakable magical bond between the big screen and PC Man and the rest of the materialistic things were broken and he almost choked on his jalapeno popcorn. I sprung from my seat ready to perform Heimlich's maneuver on him being ready to deliver the blow and save his life once again but he recovered before I could put my internist skills into action.

Then a pair of puppy dog eyes looked up at me and asked with a softer voice"Why?I thought you had decided not to blog"

I gave my cheshire cat grin and shrugging my shoulders said "Well,I changed my mind. I actually miss blogging you know"

He cleared his voice and tried again diplomatically "You have a pretty busy schedule now with the residency. Will you find time to blog really?" *casting longing looks at his brand new desktop and reminiscing whether the good old days when he had it all for himself was about to end*

" I think I can manage. I miss my blog friends too you know. It was so much fun" I sat down on the sofa with my devdas look and sighed as loudly as I could manage conveying how hard it was being suffering withdrawals from my bloggy land for long.

PC Man's knitted his eyebrows and I could tell his mind was on a overdrive to find ways to implement mission "derail-blog". He decided to try again this time employing emotional tactics. " You know fuz,I don't think any of your bloggy friends remember you much less follow your blog anymore.Think of how sad you will feel when you post something and no one would comment" *suppressing a grin and feeling smug for hitting a sure sore spot with his blogger wife*

"Hey,I'm sure that won't happen. I know I can get back there and find them all again. You are simply scared I will use you and Ina again as blog fodder ,aren't you?" I replied determined to still ward off deblogging vibes.

"Me? scared of that?Not at all" *Hollow hesitant laugh* "I was just thinking about whether there is anyone who still reads your blog though" said PC Man before looking at me and adding slowly "Is this going to be your first return post?" and exasperatingly returned back to the warm comforting arms of his mallu movie.

But his question did hit the spot. But hey,I'm sure I have friends still out there who still remember me,isn't there?If yes,just give a big shout so I can ask PC Man to relinquish his sole rights on the comp and move over.*Pst..pst..proxy attendance will also count and then you can sneak back door to collect your bribe treat.* So can I trust to hear a hi back??