Rantings of a sleep deprived kind

Some random rants:

Dear hospital starbucks lady,

Thank you for sneakily making that last thumbprint scone disappear from the tray before the guy in front of me got his dirty hands on it making a post-call me wrestle him on the floor ,scratch him and snatch it from him , and kindly offering it to me. You are a gem!

Dear bad haired cafeteria guy,

"Oriental mixed vegetables" huh? Have you even been to the Orient? I doubt a overcooked hapless looking tasteless and shapeless gooey mass of broccoli,beans and carrots in some watered down god forsaken yucky sauce ,with a occasional snow peas thrown in to highlight the Orientalness qualify for it. And you kept serving more and more vulnerable hungry victims luring them telling it was an "exotic" dish??Exotic I don't know it sure deserves to be antiqued as single most vile tasting substance EVER and labelled as toxic and unfit for human consumption. 5 $ for this abominable thing as well!You rip off! I have developed a mortal fear for anything oriental now and scarred for life! Thank you very much.

Dear Patient #243
I love opera too dude. I was all aware of your obsessive fondness for it too. You made it all too clear when at 3 am you chose to talk about the laryngeal muscle anatomy of Pavarotti for 1.5 hours instead of telling me about that "severe,unbearable" headache and hearing loss in one ear that brought you to ER urgently. But was it really essential to reinforce it all by blasting my eardrums to high heavens , choosing to break into a high shrieking cacophony just when I had all my ears glued to your lipid laden heart through my stethoscope? Hearing loss you said? Now that makes two of us. Just to clarify matters for future encounters when I say "don't speak"it also means "don't sing,or shriek or howl" ok.

Dear Ms G,

I have a incurable case of "ora pediaitis" aka "My big foot in my mouth" disease. I am genuinely sorry for mistaking you for your 89 year old mother's sister the other day. And what's more for not noticing how that made you go pale and continuing to talk to you addressing you about your "sister". Your mom was however extra nice to me after that and had a big smile throughout the day. She even offered me a half of her property and her pearls dinner invitation someday which I of course declined if that's of any solace.

Dear Neighbor,

I don't know what is it that you do. But from all the looks of it I assume that you do some sort of carpentry work. With your suspenders and a hose pipe you seem like a pretty nice fella. But,but what is up with nocturnal carpentry dude?Let me make it clear, just because Ina loves her tele and rather loudly sings "Bob the builler, can you fixsh it?" doesn't mean we love those nocturnal carpentry adventures you have going on every day. It really doesn't affect me because I'm capable of sleeping even if the house is on fire which once I really did but I have people in my house who are such light sleepers and are detrimental to my sleep . I would rather appreciate if you worked like normal people doing all the hammering,bolting,squeaky creaking noise that you do because I'm a raving, scary dangerous muderous lunatic less than pleasant without my sleep. Hopefully my mom's icy cold stares and her gibberish Kannada abuses have had its effect on you and conveyed the message. Trust me you don't want to make her angry!We don't want bloodshed,so cut the nocturnal carpentry musicals willya!

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P:S: disclaimer: Anything written as sleep deprived rants are just that. Please take everything with a pinch of salt (unless you have high BP *hits on the hand* no salt for you).