Celebrating life

Dear dad,

Today it's exactly a month since you left us. It still feels like one of those days when you used to go back to your ship sailing and that you would come back again someday soon. I still remember the "Quality street" chocolates you always brought for me on your way back as a child telling that I ought to share them with my friends too. You know,I never actually liked doing that,I wanted to just show them and keep them all for myself because you had brought them just for me. I was as possessive about things you got me the way you were possessive about those old spectacles you wore,the old junk of a Ambassador car you refused to sell (remember how it broke down while getting the groom from the airport to the wedding venue and bro said he and PC man aka the groom had to push it half a kilometer!)or that old Yezdi bike which still sits in the garage.

I brought back with me your spectacles. Remember the brown framed ones you always wore and also the ugly black framed one which I used to always tease you about saying it made you look like that old scary professor on the block. You used to laugh and pretend to hit me and say never to call you ever OLD. You would say it's all in the mind dear Fuzz,in my mind I'm always going to be a young man. And frankly dad I think you really always looked way younger than your age. I think I'm going to keep those spectacles too as they remind me so much of you.

Remember the first bicycle you got me after I came home crying after a bully teased me saying I never had a good bike?It was a blue BSA SLR one with the cool basket in the front. You hid it in the garage and surprised me with it the next day morning. How excited I was about it and how you helped me make it pretty hideous but cool for a pre teen then with all those extra stickers? I had rode it with such pride around the whole colony that day. You told me to ride it freely and if anyone bullied me to go ahead and punch their nose or run over them but never take bullying of any form bowing down.

You remember the bedtime stories you always told us? You single handedly dad made my childhood that much more magical and imaginative with them. Remember the time you had told me how the old lady of the block was really a witch who ate kids and we believed it entirely and spread it in hushed whispers amongst all the kids in the block? or the time when you made us believe if we were good kids we would get to see those little fairies on fullmoon nights and the time you reassued me there were certainly no ghosts walking around our new home? I hope I will be able to give Ina too such a magical childhood,I surely could have used your help. You were a genius!

Everyday mornings it used to be a ritual to start it with reading the newspaper. I would finish my entertainment section and then we would sit and discuss the headlines. Once I was old enough we would sit and dissect out the daily political news and dish out dirt on the bigwigs . I loved watching television with you as you always made us laugh with your witty one liners all through those innane tearjerking bollywood movies. Oh, I will miss those times dad. I wish I had told you how much I loved those talks not to mention the way you sprinkled them with some solid good advice.

Ofcourse how can I forget our dogs. You were the pied piper of dogs in the area. Somehow no dog could ever bark at you,you used to look into their eyes and read their soul. No dog which wandered across our home went without food. Remember the dog and the puppies we saved during that "Elimination of street dogs" campaign? Also that Alsatian dog "Cooler" who was abandoned by his previous owner due to his ferociousness and whom no one could pet without fearing they would be missing some fingers? Somehow he was transformed into a gentle docile creature when you petted him on that beach and magically followed you up all the way home and stayed. When he almost attacked bro,chased the postman into the ditch and fought with every dog in the street everyone wanted him out but you stated firmly that he was a family member and he would never move out. You even asked the angry postman to suck it up and for a few days went to the postoffice to get our mails. Maybe it was no wonder the furry friend chose to die right under your feet the day he fell direly ill. That was perhaps one of those rare days when I saw you cry dad. Remember the crippled crow you used to feed everyday and the our adorable Jughead? We both inherited that love for animals from you dad and now whenever Ina screams herself hoarse in delight and lunges with affection towards the puppy in the elevator I think I know where she gets that from.

You had a temper dad and being your daughter I definitly inherited that. You were so strict about my studies and exams. And once when accidently grandma and cousins visited during my pre university exam period you were so livid. You refused to allow me to spend even 30 minutes with them and would show the clock and push me back into the room to study. You said "Never lose your focus.You won't get this precious time back again" and I had got livid as well. I went and banged the door and made that clock over the door fall down and crash. You had frowned and looked at me and the broken clock and said "Now look what you did,you not only wasted time but literally killed it" and inspite of the tense situation I had to smile. You pushed us hard dad and though that time we hated it now I know you did that only to get the best from us lazybones so we would lead a better life without hardships the way you did. That day when you stood there beaming during my graduation telling everyone that was his little girl up there,honestly dad that was one of the best moments of my life.

Did you know PC man was always in awe of you?It seemed he had half thought of getting himself an armour just incase you decided to chuck him right out of the window when he came asking my hand. You did make him sweat a lot before giving approval. When I see him with Ina I'm always reminded of you dad. Don't worry he has proven he was a good catch so far.

You also never were an easy man to part with money remember dad?me and bro always grumbled as to what a big miser you were but you brought us up making us realize the value of each penny. Now that's so ingrained in me that sometimes PC man thinks I'm turning into a miser myself!

Remember the guy who used to be your driver dad while you worked at the Port trust?or the lanky guy who used to come to you always for advise and Babu uncle who was your best friend? No one missed out on your funeral day dad, they all came. The whole village came in crowds dad each one with their own tales of how you helped them and how much you meant to them. Each and everyone whose life you had touched. You did treat each and everyone below you with respect. You used to say everyone starts at the bottom and works their way up. I Hope you knew how proud of you I truly am.

We still had our differences. Perhaps once we grew up I felt some of our views on some things did clash. I felt you held a more patriarchal view on a lot of things. We did grow a little apart during that phase but it had begun to heal the past few years. I still wish shipping hadn't taken you away from us for such extended periods of time. Times when we wished for you,times when I performed my first dance recital or the times when bro aced the university or the times when he had a break down from his first business venture. We did miss out on some of the times dad.

By the way Mom is doing allright. Honestly dad you would have been proud of the way she conducted herself throughout this ordeal. She is truly a lady with such strength and dignity,I know you knew that. And you don't worry,we are here taking good care of her. She still complains you never really took her out for a movie or a second honeymoon. Nah,just kidding,that's not her it was just me who was complaining:)

There are millions of memories dad I want to talk about but I still can't talk about them without feeling a lump in my throat. Perhaps mom is really right. You would never truly be gone. I carry a lot of you in me. I even look a lot like you,have the same streak of stubborness and perseverence and that ability to laugh at myself. I also have your famous temper and wonderful imagination. I still remember what you said when grand pa died. You had lifed me up on your shoulders and said " Let's not mourn his passing with tears, let's celebrate the memories for the great man he was and the life he led" You know what dad?I told everyone exactly the same thing and I will always celebrate you.

From a small boy who rode his bicycle for nearly 10 kms everyday to arrive at school from a tiny village,to a young man who used to write with chalk on the floor of his dingy room and study his formulas and equations when he couldn't afford any paper as a engineering student, to a man who was the first in his village to be a stupendous success and sailed the seven seas and visited almost the whole world,to a man who truly struggled and achieved everything from sheer hardwork and intelligence with not a penny in his pocket with no support from anyone dad you came a long way. How can we not celebrate such a life?You are truly an inspiration dad and we are proud you were our dad.

I also know however some things just won't be the same without you. Come every Father's day I will possibly feel sad I no longer will be able to pick a card and send it to you the way I always did, come your birthday I will no longer be able to surprise you, those fun family evenings won't be the same,those evening walks we took at that stadium will no longer feel the same....I will always miss your sunny smile and when I hear some of those favorite kishore kumar or rafi songs you used to sing offtune I perhaps will stop for a minute to catch my breath again,feel a lump in my throat as I see our old pics together.. but I know we will carry on. You were my hero and you always will be and you will stay right here in our hearts. I know you would know all the things I want to share with you ,you always did know.

your loving daughter

Fuzzy