Sickness rants

The flu bug has struck my home.And it has hit not only one but 2 whiny babies.One is a little one whom I had to squeeze through a narrow passage of my body and the other is a big whiny one who is incidently married to me.So both of them huffed and puffed,whined and moaned,frankly it was hard to distinguish between the adult form and the infant form of suffering.Honestly I think most married men revert back to their infant form when they get sick.The first bout of cough will make them see stars and couple it with a runny nose they think they all have to curl up now and die.Both demanded attention and frequent nursing.One would bellow for milk and one would look up with puppy eyes and exaggerate his cough and ask "Honey,I am too sick and I can't move,could you pass that tv remote for me?" Oh ya,didn't you hear of tele therapy for cold?it's really read as television-therapy for cold if you get the drift.While I went on to wipe the snot from the little one's nose the elder one would be next asking me to get some tissue and whether I could call and order some chinese hot and sour soup for him.I assure you he would take a bullet like a man,lift that heavy crowbar and exhibit his muscles,single handedly fix the car and the bathroom fixtures but give the man a flu and he will crumble into a mushy pile of human remains confined to the sofa under a blanket.

Him:(with a loud moan )Honey,can you call the office for me and tell them I won't be able to come for few days?

Outer me: yes will do that

Inner me:The phone is right there next to you,when you can reach for the remote then probably you can reach for that sucker and do it yourself!

Him:Why is she crying?is she hungry?

Outer me:Yes I think so

Inner me:No,I think she is just having fun eating her snot,and is just filling up her reserves so she can regurgitate them back into the bottles and drink later when she is really hungry

Him:Uggh..my throat hurts so bad....could you make that ginger pepper tea,mom used to make it all the time for me when I was sick

Outer me:Yes I will do it once I feed the baby and put her to bed

Inner me:%^&*!

Him:Uggh..my head hurts now,this ginger pepper tea is not like what mom makes,I think you forgot to add something and why is she still crying?didn't you give her the medicine?

Outer me:I don't know

Inner me:#$%^^^#$@!Yes I did forget to add something called as "Learn to appreciate" in that damn tea!And as for the baby she had just written on the floor with her snot that she just felt bored and wanted to cry!

Him:I'm soo tired,do you think this is cancer?

Outer me:The doc did say it was just a flu

Inner me:Cancer!#$%^&,if this is cancer by this standards I SHOULD have ceased to exist long long back and died of Metastasis!I really need to get the pacifier from the little one's mouth and stuff it in yours!

I am really not too unreasonable,I don't mind the tea,or the soup,or the extra blanket,or even a cuddle when my man is sick.I do love the guy but seriously guys should come around with labels of warning of how they can relapse into those momma's little boys who whine and mop around when they get sick.By the way did I mention I was sick too,no probably because I never got to enjoy my sick days lying around on the sofa watching tv,catching up on sports,huddled in a warm blanket without doing a thing for 3 days,getting served in bed,sipping nice warm tea not having to deal with the wiping snot,butts and feeding,changing,entertaining a sick crying baby and sleeping whenever I wished to.Hey that doesn't sound sick to me,it is a freaking luxury cruise vacation!The most I managed throughout the ordeal was perhaps a hour of an afternoon nap when I had successfully knocked out both the whiners into their beds but only to be interrupted by a call by the mother in law who wanted to tell me how to make that ginger pepper tea for her loving son and was surprised that being a mom I was sleeping my butt off when her big baby and her small grand child were both feeling unwell!what a blasphemous act!After the phone call I realized I couldn't afford the luxury of enjoying a sick role anymore.

Moms don't get sick,they just get over it in a second.